Closing the "book"

Last night I was spending time with my two little ones as my husband and older boys went on a Scout campout.  We were having a fun time and had settled down to watch a “My Little Pony” movie.  I was on the couch with my daughter and looking at my phone.  She grabbed it out of my hand, threw it on the floor and said, “Put that phone down, and watch this movie with ME!”

Maybe a funny little story, but it probably says more about my habits than I want to admit, my husband has also mentioned that I am on that thing all the time. Also this week there have been a few articles I have read that I have not been able to get out of my mind.  In fact last night, I was up from 2-4 a.m. thinking about one of them.  You can read the articles HERE, HERE andHERE.  (the person writing the article on the last link is named Cheryl, but isn't me)

I have become a slave to that phone. I am constantly checking my Facebook and reading people’s comments and status’ and looking at pictures.  It really is impeding my relationships with my husband and kids.  I find myself getting annoyed with them if they need me while I’m checking status updates or comments.  I don’t text or check out Facebook while driving, but if we get to a red light I pick up my phone to check things out, instead of talking to my kids. It really is a bit ridiculous that it is taking over.

I have justified all the time I spend on there that I am sharing uplifting and inspiring articles and pictures.  I was in the Relief Society presidency for a few months and I justified by saying I was checking in on the sisters in the ward (which was true, but why couldn’t I just call or go visit them?)  Having “virtual” relationships just isn’t the same as having face to face relationships in my home.

So I am deactivating my Facebook account this coming week.  I am not just taking a “break” because I’ve tried that before and I stay away for about 24 hours and then I’m right back to where I was before.  I am going “cold turkey” and don’t plan on coming back anytime soon.

The thing is though, I am sad about losing touch with many friends I have come back into contact with on Facebook.  I have a lot of useful things that happen on Facebook.  I have a group that I get meal ideas from, I have a group where I can buy and sell items in a “garage sale” type page, I have a group of friends from 20+ years ago that I worked with at a girls camp that I have loved keeping in contact with.  I have cousins I have gotten to know better and have been able to reconnect with. I have other friends that we commiserate on kids, teenagers, lack of sleep, illness etc.

But I also find myself caught up in the “drama” of facebook.  I get caught up in the comments people make, and in things people say.  I’ve never been a “drama queen”, but find myself caught up in the drama and gossip that inevitably happens on facebook.  I don’t like it.  There are situations and people that I don’t need to get caught up with.  I don’t need to solve people’s problems or worry about what they think of me.  I find myself far too worried about what my “virtual” friends think of me. I even click on comments my Facebook friends make on their friends status updates, people I don’t even know! 

While I love those people I have reconnected with, none of them are as important to me as the 6 other people I live in this house with. If they are feeling like what I am doing is coming between us then I am stopping it.  I have seen too many sad endings in families to let anything come between those relationships.  It may seem silly to some that this is the case, but it is what it is.

 I only have a few short years until my kiddos start leaving my nest.  I need to give all my energy to them.  I want to focus on them and look into their eyes and have conversations and not be interrupted by my phone/computer/Facebook.  I have an amazing, loving, selfless husband who I want to give my best self to. I want to “cleave to him and none else”.

Last year I attended a Power of Moms retreat where I learned many amazing things, but one has stuck with me.  To start with the end in mind.   In 30 years what do I want my kids and husband to remember was most important to me?  I have a feeling right now they would say my phone.  I don’t want them to talk about my phone habits at my funeral. J   I want them to say that they knew THEY were my most important priority and that I loved being with them and playing and talking and just being together.  I want them to say that they knew I would drop everything for them if they needed me. 

Yesterday my two littles and I went to the park.  I left my phone in the car and I played with my kids.  I watched my 2 year old master climbing on a jungle gym by himself. He looked at me with his smiling eyes and said, “Mommy I’m doing SO GREAT!” (the picture above is right after he said that to me).   I pushed my 5 year old daughter in the swing and even sat in the swing next to her and started to swing myself which totally delighted her.I   was completely absorbed in them and my daughter grabbed my hand on the walk back to the car and said, “Mommy thanks for playing with us, you are the BEST Mommy ever!”

That right there is reason enough to close the “book” and re-engage with my kids and husband.  If you want to keep in touch I would be more than happy to give you my cell phone # so we can text and chat on the phone.  I will give out my email address to anyone who wants to reconnect that way.    I will still be on Instagram (willow5kids) because I love the “snapshots” of life that happen on there and it isn’t nearly as much of a time sucker for me.  I will also be writing much more on this blog and my family blog (cardalls4kids.blogspot.com…by invitation only, if you want an invite let me know) because that is where I will capture the little moments that happen in our family.  I plan on making blog books from the past few years to document our life.  So there are still many ways to keep in touch, it just will take more effort on my part. Comment and leave your email if you want my information.

Jesus Lord at thy birth

my cute oldest son

My favorite sacred Christmas song is “Silent Night”.  It has been for as long as I can remember.  But the year I had my first son the song changed for me.  He was born in May, so when the Christmas songs started in November he was 6 months old.  One night I was rocking him to sleep and singing “Silent Night” to him.  As I started to sing the 3^rd verse the deep meaning of the song sunk deep into my heart.  In case you have forgotten the words they are as follows:

Silent Night, Holy Night

Son of God, love’s pure light

Radiant beams from thy holy face,

With the dawn of redeeming grace,

Jesus, Lord at thy birth;

Jesus, Lord at thy birth.

As I sang, looking into my firstborn son’s sweet face it hit me that when Jesus Christ was a newborn he was already the Savior of the world.  With his birth came the dawn of hope and redeeming grace for all of us.  Within that tiny baby was the potential to save the world, in that sweet face was the Love of God.

I looked down into my son's face and I wondered what potential was inside him from birth?  What great mission was he going to accomplish on this earth?  Inside him was greatness and unlimited potential even in that tiny body.  Our son came to us already who he was deep inside and it was my job as his mother to unlock that potential and greatness. 

You see I believe that our children’s personalities come with them straight from God.  We as parents shape and guide them, but we can’t or shouldn’t try and change who they innately are.  Their personality traits are given to them from a loving Heavenly Father.

As I sing that song (and almost always tear up)at this time of year I look at my children and wonder if I am helping them unlock their God given purpose and character inside them here on earth?  Am I guiding them in the right path, am I loving them enough and expecting enough of them?

Our children are on loan to us from a loving Father who allows us to be parents to refine and shape us.  He has given us His Son as an example of how to love and teach our children.  I am eternally grateful for that greatest gift of all.

Here is an absolutely beautiful version of "Silent Night"

Free Gift!

Yes I'm still alive!  Just not in the mood much to blog lately.  Hopefully that will change soon :)


There is a GREAT offer right now from The POwer of Moms! They are offereing a free program for anyone as a gift for Christmas.  It is only until this Friday however.  So hurry quick an dhead over HERE to get your free program!

When I'm a Grandma....

My husband works for a general contractor and his latest project was a restaurant.  We won’t talk about the crazy schedule he has worked the last month and the times he worked a very full day,came home for dinner and bedtime and went back to work till 2 in the morning.  Nope won’t share that with you at all

Moving on….it was the grand opening last night and he wanted all of us to go and eat at his restaurant.  This is an actual sit down at the table and wait for your food kind of restaurant.  It is not a fast food joint or Red Robin.  It is super yummy Mexican food that doesn’t have a “Bell” in the name.  We couldn’t get a 12 pack of tacos for $6.00. (couldn’t even get one taco for $6.00) We don’t go to sit down restaurants often because of the cost to feed 7 people and because I have a phobia of one or more of my children having a total meltdown in that sort of restaurant and having to do the “walk of shame” out of said restaurant. 

When we walked in I saw the glances between the hostesses of this large family of children.  Not friendly glances either. So when they seated us SMACK DAB in the middle of the restaurant for ALL to see, I was a bit anxious.  Please sit us in the corner where not everyone and their dog are watching us.  We are a huge spectacle anyway, not many families with 5 children eating at this kind of restaurant in Vegas.

But this night was a Mommy Pay Day.  My kids, all 5 of them were incredibly well behaved.  They were surprisingly patient and happy.  Only one incident of the 2 year old throwing a chip because the salsa was too spicy (handed him my iPhone and he was as good as gold the rest of the night….cheating? maybe, I didn’t care).  They tried new foods and liked them!! I was so proud of my kids.  Maybe the many times we’ve talked about manners and correct behavior in public finally sank in a little bit.  I kept telling them how great they were doing and they beamed.

And then it was my turn to beam.  A sweet woman, probably my Mom’s age came over to me and said, “You have the most beautiful family, you are so blessed.  We have been watching you and are so impressed with how well your children are behaved.”  I almost wanted to cry it made me feel so good.

How many times do we as Moms get compliments like that?  RARELY if ever! We don’t get positive words like that enough and our pay days can be few and far between.  I decided last night that when I’m a Grandma I am going to compliment Mom’s with children in public. 

Then I thought today, why do I need to wait until I’m a Grandma?  Why not start now?  Why not compliment my amazing friends when their kids are well behaved at my house?  Why not compliment people whose children behave well at church?  Why not tell a Mom at the park how cute her kids are and how kind they were to let my children play?

Can you imagine how great we would feel if we did this on a regular basis with each other?  What if instead of comparing and/or criticizing we complimented and uplifted? 

Moms unite!  Let’s uplift and compliment each other more and give each other more Mommy pay days!  We deserve it!

If you know me at all, you know that I was very disappointed in the outcome of the election.  I volunteered for the Romney campaign, had a yard sign, had stickers on my car etc…I was a Romney groupie J  I highly respect Governor Romney and his wife and family.  I was so hopeful he would be elected and make some needed changes for our government.  But I never though Mitt Romney was the “Savior” who would swoop in and fix our entire country and create utopia.  I agree with his economic principles and I think he is a proven and amazing leader and a good, moral man.

I do not hate President Obama.  I disagree with many of his policies and decisions, and it is unbelievable to me that my state voted for him when we have incredibly high unemployment and the biggest housing crisis in the nation.  But it is what it is, I have no control over it and it does no good to dwell on it and get sucked into the negativity.

What has almost saddened me more than the outcome of the election are the hateful words and actions spewed out by both sides.  I have been called a racist while wearing my Romney/Ryan shirt, but I have also seen equally hateful statements made by those on the other side. Our nation is The Divided States of America right now and nothing positive is going to come from the division.  We are not defined by our political views; we are not the sum of our opinions.  We are Americans and Children of God and have more in common than we have different.  We all want good things for our families, we all want to be loved, we want to be safe and have our basic needs taken care of. 

I really enjoy Facebook, and am on it frequently.  I have loved reconnecting with friends from long ago and keeping up with my friends who I don’t see as often as I would like.  I enjoy the fun, positive interactions.  However, there is a downside to Facebook and social networking.  The downside is that for some reason we feel free to comment and say things we would NEVER say to somebody’s face if we were having a face to face conversation. There is an element of anonymity there even if our name and picture are attached to our comment.    It seems that common courtesy and civility are disappearing from society and it makes me sad.  Even if you are certain you are right, it does no good to be mean and hurtful. It’s okay for people to think differently than you do.

I have always taught my kids that they don’t need to agree with everything somebody thinks or says, and they don’t have to be best friends with everyone but they must be KIND to everyone!  Kindness is such an amazing character trait and I’m afraid it’s disappearing.  One of my favorite Primary songs that I sing to my kids is, “I want to be kind to everyone for that is right you see. So I say to myself remember this, kindness begins with me.” 

That being said, I am worried about the future of our country, and not necessarily because we have a democrat in the White House.  Families are being destroyed. The moral decay I see everywhere is shocking.  It makes me sad for my kids and what they will have to face.  But what keeps coming to mind is that it is time for me to step it up and be the best member of my church, be the best parent and wife and citizen I can be. Our church leaders are optimistic and positive, if you don’t believe me, read their talks from conference.  We can do this; our kids are strong enough and were born at this time because they have been held in reserve until now as the strongest spirits our Father in Heaven has.

 I read this quote today and loved it.

”Your success as a family, our success as a society, depends not on what happens in the White House, but on what happens in your house.”  Barbara Bush

Letting Go

We are reading this book for Book Club this month.  It is incredible.  In case you don’t know the story at all, here is a summary.  Chris Williams and his wife Michelle had 4 children and she was pregnant with #5.  They went out for dinner one night with 3 of their 4 children and as they were coming home they were hit by a teenage boy who had been drinking.  Michelle, their unborn child and 2 children were killed that night.  Chris and their son Sam were injured. 

We knew the Williams’, not well, but they were in our first ward after we were married. I remember watching Michelle and hoping I could be the kind of Mom she was someday.  They were a family we hoped to model ours after.

This story is such an incredible illustration of the Atonement and what we can do when we rely on the Savior.  Chris acknowledges he is nothing and it’s only through the power of the Savior that he has been able to be strong and not only forgive, but show great compassion and love to help this boy overcome his problems.

There is much sadness when reading about the accident and the death of this cute family, but it is absolutely an amazing and uplifting read.  It is life changing.  If you have the opportunity I would highly recommend it.

Here is a Mormon message about Chris Williams' story:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7zwQ_7q-fU

Today is the BYU vs U of U football game.  It is affectionately known as “The Holy War” for the fans involved.

I grew up smack dab in the heart of “Ute country”.  My home growing up was  a 15 minute drive to the U of U campus and was surrounded by the fans of the red school.  But I was raised in a home that cheered for the blue team (except when they bought season tickets to the U of U basketball games…we’ll forgive that little infraction).  BYU football was a huge thing in my home, our fall was planned around the games.  Often we (or my parents) traveled to one or two away games each season.  We almost always went to the “Holiday Bowl” in San Diego that BYU used to play in nearly annually.  We attended the 1984 National Championship bowl game and I’m pretty sure tears were shed.  It was  BIG OLD DEAL and a huge tradition in my family.  My brother went to BYU and married a Ute fan and we say they have a “mixed marriage”.  One year my sister-in-law baked a BYU cake for my Dad to “congratulate” him on the Cougars win and when he cut into it, it was a red velvet cake.  So funny!

I was a HUGE football fan from my tween years on.  I knew the game, I knew the statistics.  I had huge crushes on the players (Steve Young and Mark Bellini mostly). I loved going to the game and watching them on TV.  In fact one of the things my husband was attracted to was my love of football and BYU.

 In my high school (Go Oly!) we celebrated “rivalry week”.  Mr. James Felt, my history teacher was  HUMONGOUS Ute fan.  He even had a red Swedish knit suit he wore that week.  I walked into his class with  BYU sweatshirt on, and he told me I lost points on the assignment for the day.  If he could have legally done it, I am pretty sure he would have.  We also had Mr. Marc Lyons who played for BYU and who does the color commentary for BYU football, he taught Math and his classroom was directly across the parking lot from Mr. Felt’s.  Every year they would each decorate their windows in their respective colors and the rivalry was HUGE between them.  In fact they always had a bet going, if their team lost they had to sing the fight song of the opposing school over the loud speaker and dress in Ute or Cougar gear.

If you haven’t lived along the Wasatch front or attended BYU or the U, you probably think the rivalry is a little bit ridiculous.  It is, but it is a fun crazy.  The “Holy War” title isn’t that far from the truth.  There are a lot of people who go to and teach at the U that have problems with BYU’s standards and even LDS doctrine.  Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of LDS fans of the Utes, but there is a bit of an undercurrent of some religious contention in much of the rivalry.  I have been to many BYU/Utah games and there are always fights that break out, there is always name calling and it happens at both stadiums.  BYU fans are guilty of baiting Ute fans (sometimes worse) and vice versa (and BYU fans can’t even blame it on the liquor!).

So we are heading off to some friends to watch the game and cheer for the BLUE.  Go BYU, please make a better showing than last year!