Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Happy Church face...

I didn't do the "I Am a Mormon" post to have people tell me I am wonderful and not to judge myself too harshly (thanks for those of you who did though :).

I wrote it because too often we as Mormon women put on 'the happy church face' where we act like everything is great and wonderful, we put on our best clothes, we dress our children up nice and cute, we tell everyone we are great...when in reality sometimes we want to cry because we are depressed or because we feel fat, or because we have health problems we never talk about or because our husband is in the bishopric and it is all we can do to come to church at all because it's a total wrestling match and it is so overwhelming we question why we do it(I may or may not have experienced all of those).

Sometimes we aren't real with each other. We don't share our heartaches and hardships. And so sometimes we feel like EVERYONE else has it together and we are one big mess. And honestly sometimes BLOGGING doesn't help that! Reading Mormon Mommy blogs where the pictures are beautiful and the children are in the latest and greatest clothes and the Mom is always doing crafts and educational activities with their kids and the drawers are organized and the meals are planned for the month and the budget is to the penny can make me CRAZY! It has given me unrealistic expectations of myself sometimes and so I have stopped reading them.

I guess I wanted to be out there and say I am struggling sometimes as is the next person and lets be open so we don't make someone feel like a "leper" in the Mother's room (like one of my friends who commented on that post). Just because we choose not to breastfeed or vaccinate or home school or shop at the Gap or have 6 children or go on dates once a week with our husband or are divorced, we still are sisters in the gospel and we need to give each other a break! I have started to assume that EVERYONE is doing the very best they can so let's give them and ourselves a break!

Comparing ourselves to others is destructive to our spirits. We ALWAYS compare our weaknesses to others strengths. I am going to be nicer to myself this week and look at my life and what I do and be proud of it and happy. I am going to list all that I do this week instead of focusing on what I don't get done.

Want to join me and be nice to yourself? I am not talking in a monetary way, I am talking writing in your journal this week and listing your strengths and what you do well. Listing the joys you find as a Mommy, listing the funny things that happen and banishing the negative!

8 comments:

Venessa said...

I get tired of comparing myself to others, too! I have a terrible conscience that lets me know when I'm not eating the right things, or when my jeans feel a little tight. I get tired of that voice because I hear it so often in my head. I've decided that when I'm down on my body, I need to remember the wonderful things it DOES do...like have babies, heal from illness, or just being able to be up and doing what I need to accomplish. It doesn't work all the time, but it does help some. We're all human....we all have our demons. We just don't talk about them much. Maybe we should and that way we can help each other more.

Caroline Green said...

Word to what you said sister! Love you!

Kerri said...

I think there is a new wave of influence that is opening up with the church's encouragement that we share our testimonies through technology. The Mormon.org profiles are one way for us to this. A realistic, but edifying 'blog' is certainly another way. There is so much out there that is unrealistic or negative, I think it is wonderful and generous of you to be willing to uplift others and share some of your life in this very public way. I appreciate your testimony - I call it such because I think that when we are living what we believe and recognizing our blessings through hard times, we are a living testimony. It's definitely not just a fast Sunday thing anymore.

Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts. :)

Wendi said...

As you know, I'm usually completely open and honest on my blogs. I list what I'm able to accomplish so that I can see that at least I've done something each day. I'm not able to do as much as I would like to do, but I keep trying. One of Satan's greatest tools among women is having us compare ourselves to each other and come away feeling badly about ourselves. I, too, have decided that we're all doing the best we can and so there's no room to ever judge anyone else. And I try to have that attitude about myself too. Thanks for this reminder. :)

Sarah said...

I admit that on my blog I am not always completely open. I don't often focus on the hard times, or express my views, mostly from the fear of judgment or confrontation. I truly believe we have to stop comparing ourselves to others, and stop worrying about what they MAY or MAY NOT be thinking about us. Chances are they probably are not thinking anything negataive, and it is just our own neurosis. Now if I would only take my own advice and stop worrying about my house being clean!

Cheryl said...

I am not saying we have to divulge EVERYTHING that happens to us or our most difficult thoughts for everyone to read or hear. What I am trying to get at is too often life is portrayed as a perfect little package and that isn't what life is 99.9% of the time!

Sarah...come to my house, it will make you feel better about yours. Yep...always trying to serve ;)

Mindi Blake said...

I like the idea of posting my completed list. That's a positive way to look at it.

My thoughts on "Happy Church Face" is that I personally feel that too many members are super quick at placing judgements...

Camille said...

Thanks, I needed that! (today especially)