Building a new life

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”  C.S. Lewis

This is one of my very favorite quotes of all time.  I feel very much like I have been remodeled the last year or so, lots of walls knocked out and sometimes that construction is painful. I am certain that remodeling isn't complete yet.  However, being shaped into the palace He wants me to be will be worth it for sure.

This quote has come to life as we moved into this home.  We are renting it for a couple of years and so we can't remodel it how we would like to.  There are definitely things we would change if we could, but we just have to make the best of it for now.  It is a great house that fits our family and it is a great neighborhood, it just isn't perfect.

There are things about our family, my marriage and my own self that need some remodeling.  Moving to a new place and home is a great place to start that.   My one little word for 2014 is CHOOSE, and so with this move and fresh start I have chosen one thing in 4 areas that I am choosing to change.  Good changes happen one building block at a time.

One of the best changes we have made is we now are able to have a little family devotional before my kids leave for school and before my husband leaves for work. Previously my husband left too early for work to do this and my oldest son left home around 5:40 a.m.  for early morning seminary.  We sing a hymn, read scriptures or other inspirational words and have a family prayer.  Sometimes my husband or I lead it, and sometimes we let our older kids share things they have learned or read. I can't begin to tell you the difference it has made in our home.   It really only takes about 10-15 minutes, but that short time is one of my favorite parts of my day.

No matter what your religious beliefs are, taking some time in the morning to be together as a family talking about things that really matter is a great way to draw you closer and teach your children what is important.  It really is the small things that matter.

What are the simple traditions that have brought your family closer?

A ship in a port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for....

Remember our "plot twist"?  Well our twist has been resolved and we have landed back "home" near where we both grew up.  We moved our family of 7 twice in 7 months, this last one being across state lines....wow that was fun! NOT!  But we are here, boxes still aren't all unpacked, house isn't organized to my satisfaction, but we have a home that fits our family and my husband has a job that provides for us.  What a blessing!  To add to that blessing our kids are so HAPPY here.  Our family, neighborhood and ward (church congregation) have been so good to us.  We have all been welcomed with open arms by such wonderful, welcoming people.

That being said, it was really painful and hard to leave our dear friends who are like family.  Here are a few pictures of my kids with only a few of our dear friends who we left.  It was heartbreaking to see my kids sadness and heartache in leaving these amazing people we love like cousins, they have known many of these friends for most of their lives, some from birth.  When you live in a place for almost 13 years and create strong bonds with people it is so hard to leave.  In fact I still tear up when I think about being separated from these friends.  I still have a hard time talking to them on the phone, it's still painful.  However like one of my kids said, "It's good that it's so hard to say goodbye, it just means we have lots of people that we love so much."  Amen to that.

I guess it's a good lesson to me and to my kids, just because something is right to do,  doesn't mean it's necessarily easy.  We know this move is right for us, everything has fallen into place, we couldn't feel better about where we are living, we love being close to family, but it still hasn't been easy.

We have so much to be grateful for and I thank God daily for his guidance in the last year of our lives.  Looking back we can see His guiding hand in so many decisions and happenings.  We are so very blessed.

Master Builder

This beautiful lady is my husband's Grandmother Layton.  She is 93 years old and truly an angel on earth. We spent Thanksgiving in Utah with family and were privileged to spend some time with her.  She lost her husband of 60+ years 4 years ago.  I can't imagine being without someone who you spent most of your life with, it must be so lonely.  Her children and grandchildren who live close by take good care of her and help her out a lot.  She is still sharp as a tack and quite independent.

Grandpa Layton started a very successful construction company back in the 50's.  It has grown into a very large company.  Grandpa was known for his hard work, quality and integrity.  He was a master builder.

As we were talking with my mother in-law about Grandmother, my husband said, "Grandpa was a master builder of buildings, but Grandmother is a master builder of people."   It is so true.  Every time we are with her, she makes ALL of us feel that we are the most important people to her.  She always compliments me and my children and asks about their lives.  She REMEMBERS what they are involved with and what their interests are.  That is pretty amazing at 93, but what is even more amazing is she has over 60 grandchildren, and 100 great grandchildren and STILL does this.  She sends them all personalized birthday cards.  She is truly one of my favorite people to be around and I want to be just like her when I grow up.

I guess I better start practicing my skills of being a Master Builder of people so that I can become one some day.

Plot twist and the Modern Dad

We just experienced our own plot twist. A couple of weeks ago my husband lost his job, although we knew for a few weeks it would be coming, it still is a reality check when it happens.  So he is currently looking for a full time, permanent position.  We are hoping this is a blessing in disguise and he will find a fantastic opportunity to grow in his career.   He is in the construction industry and has been in management for 10 years, if you know of anything let me know! We are looking all over the western U.S. and are willing to relocate for the right position.  That has become much more difficult than the last time we relocated.  That was 11 years ago with a 2 and 4 year old.  Now we have 5 children from 3-14 and A LOT more stuff.  But we don't know where we will end up, we may just end up right where we are.  This living in limbo business is not very fun, but we are learning patience and submission to what God wants for our family.
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This darling family is my niece Emily, her husband Jason and their adorable baby Nixon.  Emily is 10 years younger than I am and more like my little sister than my niece.  Emily waited a while to find the love of her life and to be a Mom. She is such a natural at being a Mom and has been "mothering" her whole life.  Her birthday was the other day and when asked what her wish would be she said, "I don't need to wish for anything, I already have all my wishes!"  So happy for her.  I'm excited to go up for Thanksgiving and snuggle this little man.

Her husband Jason is an awesome guy.  He has started a fun blog filled with tidbits for Dads.  You should check it out, he's hilarious and has some great ideas! It's called the-modern-dad.com
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Healthy, wealthy and wise....or not

Healthy, wealthy and wise…..3 great goals to strive for right?  Are these necessary qualities that an intentional, deliberate Mother must have? ABSOLUTELY, or so I thought for a time.  Certainly health is a must, to have energy and to have the strength to do activities with your children.  Wealth (or at least being financially comfortable) is necessary so you can take your children to do fun things and go on fun vacations etc. etc….  Wisdom is constantly evolving and comes through experience and continues developing throughout life.

Health.  My health has ebbed and flowed for years.  I have had short times where I felt great and healthy and had energy.  But most of the time for the last several years I have not felt good for the most part.  I struggle to have the energy I would like.  I envy those who seem to have boundless energy and accomplish more in a day than I do in a week.  It affects my family for sure.  Most days I need a nap and many times when my husband gets home I go “off shift” and turn the rest of the night over to him.  It has been very frustrating at times.

Wealth, or financial comfort.  Financial security has been elusive in our lives.  We have worked hard to get out of debt, we have worked hard to save money, but something always comes up and we never seem to get ahead.  I can’t complain, my husband has had a steady job even through the recession which is more than many people I know.  We have food on the table, a wonderful home and all the basic necessities.  But extra money to go to Disneyland or even going somewhere as simple as the pumpkin patch hasn’t been there most of the time.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for what we have and for my healthy, happy 5 children and wonderful, hardworking husband.

You know….sometimes the “web” is not our friend.  I read blogs, look at Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook and get discouraged.  I see all of these Moms doing amazing things with their kids that I don’t have the energy or money do to.  It can be disheartening. It seems sometimes that to be an awesome, involved Mom you have to be practically perfect in every way and able to do all these amazing crafts, be athletic with your kids and go on regular exotic vacations.

That is not the case I have gratefully discovered.  You don’t have to have to be practically perfect to be a deliberate Mom.  You can be quite flawed and not have the ideal life situation and your kids will still think you are amazing. Each of us has our own situation, our own challenges and our own gifts we have been given to be the best Mom to our kids.  I may not have the energy to do a triathlon with my kids, but I can sit outside and watch them ride bikes, watch their soccer games and cheer them on. I can sit on the couch when I’m not feeling well and read them books and do puzzles and have tickle wars.

I may not have the money to go on a lot of vacations, but we can have a “staycation” at home where we sleep in the tent outside, roast hot dogs in the backyard and tell shadow puppet stories in the tent. We can have picnics at the park, we can play board games on the weekend and can have dart gun wars in the house. 

In fact being a great Mom has practically nothing to do with money and health.  It has to do with TIME, consistency and being a present force in your child's life. It means looking in their eyes and taking time to listen to them.  It means having a stable, loving home.  It means teaching them and disciplining them with love.  None of that needs money or perfect health.

One of my favorite Power of Moms essays is by April Perry and is entitled “Your children want YOU”.  They still want you even if you have health problems and no money.  They still want you even if you lose your temper and need a “time out”.  They still want you even if you aren’t practically perfect.  So dive into motherhood in spite of your hard situation make those memories and forget about your weaknesses, chances are your kids already have!

I cried during this video…it should be required to view regularly for all Mothers.  It’s a reminder that our kids give us the benefit of the doubt and love us for who we are, not for who WE think we should be. 

Best of times...worst of times

our family gathered for a picture following Jaylen's funeral

Recently I have been inspired by my friend April who has been writing about her Mother who is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease. April has been sharing her heartache and struggles with caring for her Mom, who is forgetting her grandchildren and children. She has inspired me to write some of my own struggles and share some of the things that have helped me currently and in the past.

In the past few years we have been dealt many trials such as; the tragic and untimely death of my husband's brother Brian who was 32, had a 2 year old daughter and had a wife who was 6 months pregnant. The illness and heart transplant of another  brother Paul, death of a beloved Grandfather, preeclampsia, a 32 week preemie, 7 week NICU stay, chronic health problems for baby and Mommy relating to that, selling a house, moving, raising 5 children that now includes teenagers, aging parents, the tragic death of a sweet nephew, financial problems and stress, and we currently have a very precarious job situation. Then there are the every day stresses that most everyone deals with on top of all of that. 

Not to mention that loved ones have suffered divorce, loss of parents, illness, serious financial problems, special needs children, rebellious children, job loss etc etc. the list could go on and on. 

I don't list these to garner sympathy as I know everyone has their list of hardships and adversity, but honestly the past few years have been a challenge. However if I saw someone else's list of trials, I would probably gladly keep mine.  It was actually therapeutic to write it all down in one spot (and there are probably other things I forgot) This has been our reality for many years. It seems we barely catch our breath and there is another storm on the horizon.  Mortality is not easy or blissful.  It is frustrating and hard a lot of times. 

Sometimes I feel exhausted by the raging storms and the unseen eye of the storm.  The unknown can be a scary place to be. However through it all I have felt a sense of calm and peace for the most part. I know that peace come from the source of all light. When I rely on Him, I know I can walk into the dark of the unknown and he will light my path even if only a step at a time.

That peace doesn't come without effort however. It comes when I seek Him through prayer, reading inspired words of scripture and words from inspired leaders, attending church and seeking answers at His holy temple. It comes when I gather my family and we pray thanking God in gratitude for all our blessings (and trials). It comes when we are united in our faith and prayers for  a better job situation, inspiration and guidance or when we pray for the comfort of broken hearts of our loved ones. It comes as I sit in church and look down the pew in awe at my 5 children and wonderful husband and feel so grateful to have a place of respite from the world.  It comes in the words of hymns that bring me to tears in the knowledge that God knows me and is sending me a "love note" right when i need it. It comes as we take time to teach our children about God's love for them and about our Savior who was willing to take upon him not only their sins but their pains, sorrows and afflictions and knows how to comfort our aching hearts.  It comes from knowing that Jesus Christ made it so we will live again after this life and be reunited with our loved ones. 

The storm that is swirling around us can still be calmed by He who calmed it 2000 years ago on the sea of Galilee. He still has the power to do so, and if it isn't time for the storm to stop raging, He can be our compass and lighthouse to lead us home.  I know this as surely as I know anything in this life.  I know He is the source of true peace and happiness even in the midst of the storms that are raging around us.  Mortality and this world are not for the faint of heart or for the weak.  I know sometimes it seems impossible to muddle through and our hope is sometimes lost in the huge waves and swells of the storm, but through Him we can ride them and be safe in His protection.

A month ago I was sitting in a funeral and this was one of the hymns we sang.  Tears rolled down my face as I knew this message was a message to me from my Father in Heaven who is always there to calm my fears in the midst of my storm.  Every verse was an answer to my prayer.

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
   With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
   Leave to thy God to order and provide;
   In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
   Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
   Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
2. 2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
   To guide the future as he has the past.
   Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
   All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
   Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
   His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.
3. 3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
   When we shall be forever with the Lord,
   When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
   Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
   Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
   All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

5 things....

Our sweet Jaylen's death has changed me.  Five things I've learned over the last 2 weeks:

1.  When someone is grieving you don't need to say much.   Throw your arms around them and tell them you love them and you are so sorry.  Nothing you say can change what happened, they probably don't want to have a long conversation, but your expressions of love will mean so much and will honestly carry them through dark days. Pray for them and let them know you pray for them.  However, don't make them take on the burden of your grief, try to be a strength to them.

Don't ignore what has happened just because you don't know what to say, when you have lost a loved one it is life changing and is all you think about so when someone ignores it, it is a bit awkward to say the least.

2. YOU can make a difference.  The small expressions of kindness and acts of service on our "Spreading Sunshine for Jaylen day" made a HUGE difference for our entire family.  It helped us feel happiness and joy and light. on a day that could have been so dark and difficult.  Those acts of service were one person at a time and collectively made a huge difference in this world.

3.  Love your kids, spend time with them, look them in the eye, let them see your eyes light up when they see you, be their biggest cheerleader and let the little things go.  Most of all LOVE and let them know for absolute certain that you love them more than anything.

4.  Angels are real.  Whether they be angels on earth who lift us and love us or whether they be unseen angels who support us from the other side of the veil, they are very real and carry us through our darkest hours. Prayer is real and so powerful and one of the nicest things you can do for someone who is going through something hard.

5. LOVE is what matters the most.  Forgive, embrace, be merciful, give the benefit of the doubt, shower God's love on all those around you, uplift, encourage, stop judging.  LOVE is what matters.  The.End.