Monday, March 7, 2011

Selfish vs Selfless

Totally Selfish



or



Totally Selfless (Dave's cousin...same one who was the lung recipient)



Read these articles and let me know what you think. I will write more after I get some comments and audience participation. Come on now people...COMMENT! I know I have more readers than commenters (my little sitemeter at the bottom of the page tells me so). Come out of the woodwork :) It's okay, I blog stalk too!

25 comments:

Jen said...

I haven't read either article yet, but I will, and then I will COMMENT! LOL I haven't commented on your posts because I always feel like I over-comment on a lot of things and wanted other people to get a chance to say stuff. I will now invade your blog with my opinions and responses... ha ha...

Cheryl said...

please do Jen!

Rachael said...

I actually left a long comment on a post...hit post comment and then jumped the gun and closed the window before I realized I had to do a word verification....anyway...
Wow is that 1st lady SELFISH!! I could never understand a mother leaving her kids! Never!
What a sweet story of Daves cousin! Hope she is doing well with her lung transplant!

luntaz said...

I've read that first article before and was just dumbfounded. Speechless really.

K. Heier said...

I hate that it is so acceptable now days to bare no responsibility for one's actions. This lady decided to say yes when the man propose and to not use birth control. It is not the kid's, the dad's, or society's fault that she didn't think about and decide what she really wanted to do with her life. This is so ridiculous. Poor kids, poor dad, poor society that isn't even that shocked by these types of actions. But no sympathy for the mom.
And congrats to your cousins. That really is an amazing sacrifice to make.

chrissy said...

I could barely get through that first article. It hits a little too close to home. I'm almost shaking, I'm so angry. The today show needs to do another story in twenty years and ask those two little boys what they thought of their mom's choice. They're going to have issues.

chrissy said...

alright, now that i'm a little more calm, i will say that the story about Dave's cousin is absolutely awesome! I read about it a few weeks ago and was so touched. i can't think of a better definition of selfless.

Lynnette and Paul said...

Oh dear...don't get me started! That first lady...sheesh! Why did she even have kids in the first place? I am so sick of women needing to "find themselves" after they decide to marry and have children! Grow up ladies...and do it before you bring a child into the world! Motherhood is all about losing yourself...and it is the best kind of losing yourself there is! Now...don't get me wrong...I'm all for having some me time. It is quite nice when I get it...but not at the expense of leaving my child entirely! I am perfectly fine with my identity of being a mother! 15-20 years from now I can go and save the world, work my prestigious dream job, travel to far away places, whatever! That all seems pretty boring to me though in comparison to enjoying the sweet love and giggles you get from your small children. There is a time and a season.
That lady is not only selfish...she is stupid! Years from now when she needs help taking care of her needs in her elderly state, I think it would be perfectly fine for her boys to abandon her too!!!!

Venessa said...

This isn't going to be a popular thought here, but I feel it has to be said. I dislike how many people rant, scorn, mock and criticize the first mother for her actions. Do I agree with her decision? Absolutely not. One choice leads to another, which leads to another, which lead to where she is today. But to say that motherhood is a blissful place in which every woman should reside is just not true. She made some drastic changes and she will be held accountable for what she did (and did not) do. Being a mom is hard. A LOT. Being married is hard. A LOT. And sometimes, some people just can't take it anymore. At least the children have a father who is willing to take up the slack. That being said, I will NOT condemn her. What if she were mentally incompetent? Would that change how people view her? Judging this woman is not my place. There are many things in my own life that I am not proud of and I would hope that in the Final Day, mercy will come into play and that God judges me on my own merits, not the thoughts of those around me. The first woman is an easy target, and I think we need to leave her alone. What good will the criticisms do? It's obvious she won't change her mind. It only serves to bring more contention into the world, and we already have MORE than enough of that. Let her be. And let God be the judge.
(Ok....bracing myself for the fallout.....)

Cheryl said...

No fallout. I asked for opinions and didn't say they had to be a certain opinion. I will write more later today on the subject. The problem I see is a trend toward this kind of selfishness in women.

tavia said...

Well,,I love the fact that she gave them the gife of all gifts and yea I might think about doing the same, and there are days when yes I would love to call in the towel BUT never would I let my kids go NEVER!!!!I guess that the freedom of choise and we olny know what is best for our Family some may not like our choises but we cant make every one happy!

Jen said...

I am so sad that my comment deleted last night. Seriously, it was all-inclusive on how I felt. So I will just try and touch on some points here.

First woman - I don't agree with her choice at all. How nice it must be for her to walk away from her obligations and call it "finding herself". She made a choice to marry that man, and bear those children, so I think she should have stuck with it unless there were a proper reason for leaving. Those kids will have some major issues. She basically told them when she made her choice "Hey kids, I know I married your dad, and chose to bring you into this world, but you know what? I'm just not feeling it anymore. I feel like I'm worth so much more than being a wife and a mother, and so you can just live with your dad while I enjoy my life living down the street from you." She should have at least raised those kids to adulthood before she bailed. Does this mean that motherhood is the perfect picture of everything wonderful? No! I'm the first person to admit that there are days when I'd love to "run for the hills" and take a long weekend at a spa somewhere, but it all boils down to the fact that I love my children and put them as a priority. When they are raised I will have time to do whatever I want. But for right now, I choose them, because it was MY choice to have them. It isn't like a job in the workforce where if you feel you aren't finding fulfillment or praise or appreciation you can just find another job.

Second mom - Priceless gift giver. She could have said it would be too hard on her body, since she's had 3 kids already. She could have said twins would ruin her figure, etc. No, instead she gave a miraculous gift. She didn't do it for the praise of the world. She didn't do it to prove she was something wonderful. She did it out of love.

These women have totally different motives. One sought the praise of the world, and the other sought nothing, but surely will find her reward in Heaven.

Wendi said...

I don't think we can judge the first mother too harshly. Maybe that was the only way she could be the mother she wanted to be for her children. Perhaps she wasn't able to handle the pressure the traditional way. And it's great that the father was willing to take custody of the children. At least she's still a part of their life to a degree.

But, to give the gift of children to a couple who weren't able to bring them into the world on their own is obviously a wonderful sacrifice. That is definitely unconditional and Christlike love.

I hope that both families thrive and find happiness in their circumstances.

Jen said...

Oh, and another thing...
How much difference would it make if the first story were about a man who left his wife and children to seek better things? I find it interesting that the world would cheer on a woman who leaves and finds "fulfillment", but I am sure most people in the world would look down upon a man who would leave his family like this. Just another thought...

Sarah said...

I appreciate all of your posts, and find them thought provoking. I can't seem to find a way to write my feelings down in a way I am comfortable with, so I am just sending admiration to you today.

Lynnette and Paul said...

I wanted to add that I recognize I was really harsh at the end of my previous comment and I apologize. It's not like me to spout off like that! I didn't mean to judge her personally and maybe she has a reasonable explanation for why she did what she did. But with that said I still feel strongly about what I said in a general way because I do see this inclination in other women. I think my experience of losing my mother and not having her as I grew up and then aching for her presence, and then not being able to have more than the one child I have now obviously have made me a strong advocate for motherhood. I recognize that I have a unique perspective on this and I am really lucky to realize what truly matters. For this I am grateful. And maybe this is what these women are missing...the knowledge and perspective of how truly important and wonderful motherhood is....even when you feel like giving up!

Jenn Shields said...

Who are we to judge?

Alyson said...

I like all the comments. I can't say much more since one of the stories involves me. LOL! I have to say it's sad for the children involved with the first story. We shouldn't judge, because we don't know the whole entire story. But it did make me sad and shocked. Hopefully their Dad can make up for where there Mom is lacking in parenting. Regarding the second story... I like it. (Ha, ha, ha). I did it only because I know that was what Heavenly Father wanted me to do & that was the only way Ben & Jack could come. Do I have any regrets? Absolutely not. I couldn't have done it without my testimony of the Savior & the gospel as well as countless support & love from family & friends. It is very surreal now to think that I was an instrument in all of that, but I'm grateful for the experience and the lessons learned through all of it. Lastly I have to say, Yay Julie!!! Thank you Father in Heaven for many miracles in our family!

Kerri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cheryl said...

Aly...I look up to you SO very much for your sacrifice for Dave and Julie! So much admiration...I know that isn't why you did it,but you have it coming girl! I still remember being at Paul's benefit concert and you I couldn't believe you were STILL pumping for those babies...4 months later. Not only did you carry them, but you also nourished them for a LONG TIME! You are amazing! You had better be their favorite aunt! Love you! And yay for Julie...absolutely amazing and miraculous...having so many of the same emotions that we had when Paul had his transplant!

Kerri said...

You wanted comments - here goes:

http://deathisnotdying.com/

Rachel Barkey has alot to say on selfishness verses selflessness.

As for the articles, really, the issue at hand is 'redefining motherhood'. Everyone knows that behavior motivated by thinking of oneself rather than others is selfish and vice versa. We are all selfish to a point. The mom from the first article is sadly misinformed though. What she is doing is not finding "other ways to be a mother.", but deciding to give up that level of influence which historically has been attributed to that title, for that which can be equated with the titles of 'neighbor' or 'friend'. As a society we are redefining motherhood and family practically into non-existence.

Venessa, you thought you were bracing for fallout - just wait until you see the fallout from THAT comment. ;)

I'm sure I have more comments - but let's start with those. :

Marnie said...

As sad as it is this is the society in which selfishness is rewarded. Sad still is the fact that she has raised two sons who are now influenced by her behavior and one day will most likely act the same (with no shame of course).
Our children will continue to go to school with children who are taught that no matter the action it is always someone else's fault. Our husbands will work for and with others who believe that honesty is now in the "gray" area. Mothers who insist on raising self-reliant, honest, respectful children will be told "you are not doing enough for your child", and often looked at as if we are crazy. (I get it a lot)
It is always nice to see a story where someone is looking out for someone else. Rewarding someone when they truly deserve the praise.
I am grateful to have been raise by parents who taught me that every choice has a consequence which is a blessing or a burden depending on the way I choose to look at it and accept it.
Disappointed it took her 20 years to "find herself". Pretty sure she knew who she was all along, and in 20 years she will wish it all back.

melody said...

The lady in the first story is so sadly lost. I feel for her and her family. Her decision to do this and leave was wrong. I think we all can agree that it was but that being said I cannot judge her and beacuse i don't know her heart and all circumstances. She has to be depressed or have some imbalance or condition because she is not thinking rationally. I say this because I have a family member who thought this way at one point and they were clinically depressed, had many addictions and could not make rational decisions. So instead of judging her I think we should show more compassion to her rather. She will have some tough consequences later life and probably now that she is and will face for this decision and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. So like in the second story the compassion that was showed to her brother and his wife, if we are true believers and followers in Christ, should use that very same compassion to the other woman who gave up her children because it is what I believe that the Savior himself would do. "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."

Amanda J said...

Every person goes through trials and makes bad choices. Some may seems worse than others, some may be more obvious than others, but it's hard to judge anyone since each person's struggles cannot be understood by anyone other than Christ. How can we know what she was dealing with before she left? Sure she made some bad choices as a mother, but you know what? It seems like she's trying to fix it. I would bet that if her kids were having a bad day, she would be there. She wouldn't live down the street from them if she didn't care for and love her children. It may not be the way that some of us would choose to live, but I think it's admirable that she came back. Many other parents leave their children and don't ever come back.

The second story reminds me of how Christ would want us to live. The sacrifice to carry not one, but two babies for someone else is amazing. That truly is the pure love of Christ.

Laura@livingabigstory said...

I know this discussion is probably closed, but I wanted to put some thoughts down anyway -- at least Cheryl will read them for what they're worth :)

I have been feeling this need to find something more, find a ME thing. I settled on getting back into writing, and it's interesting that even though I've barely started my blog I feel lighter and excited again. BUT I also find myself loving my children more -- not because of the "ME" time, but because I'm living consciously and really contemplating the type of person I want to be.

I do believe the Lord wants us to pursue our dreams and develop our talents -- I wonder if we are seeking after the right kind of dreams, our hearts will actually be drawn more to our children.

I don't know if that makes any sense? Ok, I've perused your site long enough today - thank you for the good stuff you're doing!